


full time lovers

by sasswithclass



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, One Shot, Pining, Weed, cheesy high school romance, excessive amounts of parks and rec, friendships based on parks and rec, malia and isaac hate each other lmao, side scira and allisaac, slowburn, stiles compares lydia to the sun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 17:09:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11536671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasswithclass/pseuds/sasswithclass
Summary: With the end of senior year rearing its ugly head and the college applications and the inevitable graduation that would happen had caused Stiles to want to do nothing except lay on his floor staring at the ceiling while questioning his whole existence. Oh yeah, and there was the fact that he had just realized he was still incredibly in love with Lydia that recently hit him. There was that too.*an au of sorts where nothing bad or supernatural happens, everyone is alive, and they're all normal teenagers who watch Parks and Rec and smoke a lot of weed





	full time lovers

**Author's Note:**

> wow ok so i just got super emo about how much stiles loves lydia one night and this monstrosity happened but i hope you like stupid parks and rec jokes and cheesy teenage emotions and these dorks getting high together
> 
> (also keep in mind while reading this that i've never gotten high or been to a party in my life so if it seems unrealistic......that's why)
> 
> this was supposed to be a small one shot
> 
> i have no idea what happened
> 
> (title from edible by jojo)

It had been……..a week.

And the last thing Stiles needed was a text from Lydia Martin asking him if he wanted to come over and get high.

Sure, the two had gotten high together, but with either a bunch of people at a party neither wanted to really be at or with just Scott there supervising them to make sure they didn't accidentally order 200 dollars worth of Pizza Hut. 

They had a good thing going, getting high with no real reason except for a boredom cure or a good old stress reliever, but this particular week was not good timing at all. With the end of senior year rearing its ugly head and the college applications and the inevitable graduation that would happen had caused Stiles to want to do nothing except lay on his floor staring at the ceiling while questioning his whole existence. Oh yeah, and there was the fact that he had just realized he was still incredibly in love with Lydia that recently hit him. There was that too.

It just hit out of nowhere, one random Friday where she and Allison were giggling over something during lunch and her smile seemed brighter and happier than anything he'd ever seen before, and boom, three years of repressing feelings down the drain. He spent the following weekend switching between staring at his ceiling and stalking her instagram. 

_God when did she get so pretty? Had her eyes always looked that beautiful?_ He thought.

It was a pathetic repeat of freshman and sophomore year, relentless and useless pining after the girl who never bothered to look his way. Except now it was different, she did look his way, a lot actually, and now the two were friends.

Surprisingly.

The following week had been hell. Or at least, Stiles’ own personal hell. Falling back into old habits of babbling like a complete idiot anytime she talked to him and tripping over his own feet whenever they made eye contact. The fact that Lydia decided to wear the particular outfits that accentuated her curves made it all the more insufferable. He was used to this feeling of complete loss of control his first two years of high school, but he was totally not used to it now when they're friends who talk on the regular and when he was supposed to be completely over her.

Thursday was probably the worst of the week. Lydia wore a short skirt and a tank top that hugged tightly to her push up bra that she wore particularly with the idea of ruining Stiles’ entire day. No, scratch that, _life_. With only a thin orange sweater covering her shoulders, Stiles’ pent up sexual frustration caused him to snap a pencil in half during third period. Every time she came up to talk to him he had a full on heart attack.

“Hey Stiles, did you finish your essay for English yet? I finished mine last week and I need something to critique” She asked him in the hallways between fourth and fifth period.

“Last week?!? But it's not due until three weeks from now!” A surprised Scott exclaimed from beside Stiles.

Lydia rolled her eyes, “I like to get a head start,” she said with a hint of mischief in her voice.

Enough to make Stiles internally lose his shit.

“Just read Allison's, I did, it's amazing” Scott suggested.

“I already did, and now I need something new,” Lydia whined. She fidgeted with the lack of new material, it was one of the things Stiles absolutely adored about her. The way she always craved new information, always wanting to learn more. God, he was in too deep.

“So, Stiles, essay or what?” She asked, turning to him.

Oh Jesus he couldn't stand her looking at him with that outfit on. It was taking every ounce of willpower in him to keep looking at her eyes, which wasn't that bad of an alternative since her eyes with like their own undiscovered gemstone that deserved to be in the Smithsonian. God he could get lost on her eyes, the way there were flecks of gold on the deep green abyss that only came out when the light hit just right-

“Stiles?”

He quickly snapped out of his trance to find a confused Lydia in front of him and a concerned Scott standing next to him with a raised brow, having yet to respond to Lydia’s initial question.

“Oh! Yeah the uhhh, the essay, I uhh haven't gotten around to it yet…..still um…..still working on it….yeah good….good essay…...I got goin….yeah-oh would you look at that it's time for class can't belateorimgonnagetdetention ok see ya!” He quickly blurted out before sprinting in the opposite direction to his science class, leaving a very confused Scott and Lydia standing in the hallway.

He spent the entire class period freaking out about his, well, _freak out_ , as well as dealing with the fact that he couldn't get Lydia’s eyes out of his head.

As soon as school ended he made a beeline for the jeep before being stopped by a relentless yet caring Scott.

“Dude are you ok? You're acting super weird” He questioned his best friend.

“Yeah, yep I'm totally fine, just tired and forgot to take my adderall today” Stiles responded, hoping he didn't sound like as much of a bullshitter as he thought he did.

“Ok, just call me later today, got it?” Scott said.

“Totally, will do Scotty” Stiles affirmed with a wink and thumbs up.

Scott smiled and slowly made his way to his bike, waving a quick goodbye before sliding his helmet on. Stiles continued his trek to the jeep, and just as he was about to hop in he spotted Lydia across the parking lot with the sunlight sitting perfectly behind her in a way that made her look like everything holy that would ruin you in the worst way possible. The two made eye contact for a split second before Stiles slid into his jeep and peeled out of lot like his life depended on it.

The second he got home he fell face down onto his bed and proceeded to groan repeatedly into his pillow. He was even worse than he could possible imagine, what the hell was he thinking he could just act normal around Lydia? If today was bad, the rest of the month would be actual hell. As in Satan himself would show up and everything would be on fire. Stiles didn't even want to think about what the rest of the year would be like, or the rest of his life. Lydia had become such an ingrained part of his life it seemed impossible that she wouldn't be in it. Just now, it would be way more painful. 

She probably hates him now, while he's back to being weird for no reason and hightailing it out of conversations like it's the last place he wants to be. Please, like he would ever want to be anywhere that Lydia Martin isn't. His phone dinged, snapping him out of his own pity party. He wriggled his phone out of his pocket while his face remained cemented into his pillow. He was pretty sure he was going to die like this, horrifically embarrassed and in skinny jeans. 

Stiles begrudgingly craned his neck to look at his phone, and to his horror saw Lydia’s name on the lock screen. He eyes widened and he immediately shot up, so fast it almost gave him whiplash. He unlocked his phone with shaky hands to find a single text message.

_lyds: **hey :)**_

Stiles didn't know why he was acting like a fucking 12 year old who just got a text from his crush for the first time. He was being ridiculous, and he knew it, but it didn't stop his heart from beating a million miles a minute. He quickly typed his reply, with his fingers trembling like crazy.

_stiles: **hey! what's up?**_

He wondered if the exclamation mark was too much. Christ what was he even going on about? What was this, fucking middle school? He knew he was acting like prepubescent idiot, and it was going to get him absolutely nowhere. He put his phone face down on his bed and closed his eyes.

“Ok Stiles calm down, this is the girl you have been best friends with since junior year. You have no feelings for her you have no feelings for her you have-”

Right as he was in the middle of his mantra, his phone dinged again and he almost broke he his wrist from grabbing it so fast.

_lyds: **i just felt like u were mad at me or smthn today, did i accidentally do something to piss you off?** _

His heart broke at the idea that Lydia thought he was mad at her. Never in a million years would he be mad at her, the last time he was mad at her was because he was just pissed in general that she was so pretty. Stiles couldn't even fathom a situation where he was upset with Lydia Martin.

_stiles: **oh god no! im so sorry i forgot to take my adderall this morning and the typical school stress made me extra jittery today :/**_

He felt kinda gross lying to her, in his defense it was half true. He did forget to take his adderall and school was stressing him out. But then again school wasn't stressing him out anymore than usual and he hadn't taken his adderall in a normal pattern in weeks. He really just wanted to type “there's no way in any universe possible that i would be mad at you, i just recently discovered i'm still in love with you that's all :)”, but today wasn't the day for daydreaming (despite that was what he had been doing all day).

_lyds: **oh good :D i was worried i might have pissed off one of my best friends**_

Stiles’ heart soared at the fact that she called him one of her best friends. It felt different than all of the other times, this time it made his face hurt from smiling so hard. God, he was such a fucking idiot. He was surprised when he heard his phone ding again.

_lyds: **and i have just the thing for that stress, wanna come over and get baked as per usual?**_  
_lyds: **also u should rly stay on top of ur adderall ur fuckin wild without it**_

Stiles froze. Texting with Lydia was one thing, but going over to her house was another. He'd done it plenty of times before, lazy Saturdays came to  
mind of him, Lydia, and Scott all sitting in Lydia’s living room giggling in clouds of smoke and burning through bags of Doritos like a couple of, well, stoners. He wished that he could go back to days like that, but he knew now that since his annoying and persistent feelings had recently come to light, he couldn't.

Or maybe he could. Hell, he did it ever since the third grade. If he could do it for eight years, he could do it for a couple of hours. Stiles swallowed hard and quickly texted back.

_stiles: **hell yeah, be there in about 10**_  
_stiles: **(and yes mom i'll remember to take my adderall more often)**_

He stood up and quickly checked his hair in the mirror (like a complete douche) and slid back on his shoes before grabbing his keys and sliding out the door shooting a quick “going to Lydia’s” to his dad, who grunted a “be safe” in response. His mom was working late tonight and usually trusted him, despite his streak of bad decision making. She wasn't too happy when he and Scott got caught teepeeing Jackson’s house, given it was a long time ago (it was last week) and Jackson is a complete dick. But Stiles felt content sending a quick “going to Lydia’s tonight, might be home late” text to her, getting the usual “be safe have fun” response. He hopped in the jeep, only hesitating for a second wondering if this really was the smartest idea, before his overwhelming need to get high overrode that thought. 

By the time he got to Lydia’s, the sun was just starting to sink down below the mountains leaving the moon peeking out in anticipation. This was always his favorite part of the day, he always called it the Golden Hour, when the sun setting gave everything an orangey and ethereal glow. That was the closest he ever got to tasting heaven. He ringed the doorbell, which was almost immediately answered by an already slightly stoned Lydia leaning against the door frame.

“Welcome to my humble abode, kind stranger” She said with a sort of lightness in her voice.

Stiles laughed at the sight in front of him, “What the hell man, you started without me! Not cool,” he joked.

“Hey, you drive really slow, plus the brownies smelled really good I just couldn't resist,” Lydia defended herself, trying to sound offended and failing.

“Brownies? Damn, goin old school I see,” Stiles snorted, making his way into her house and plopping down on her couch.

“What can I say, I'm a classic kind of gal. Also Scott broke my bong last time when he tripped over it and I'm out of rolling papers,” She replied as she made her way to the kitchen getting a piece for Stiles. 

“You could've told me, I would've brought over mine,” Stiles offered, feeling a bit guilty since all he ever brings is a lighter.

“Oh hush, you save yours for a rainy day when we're _really_ desperate,” Lydia joked while handing him a brownie, “now eat up you got some catching up to do.”

An hour and entire tray of brownies later, Stiles and Lydia were in between incoherent nonsense and staring at the walls silently. The sun was so close to saying goodbye, but Stiles wasn't ready to let go. It was just reaching 5 o’clock, the prime time for the Golden Hour. Seconds before the sun sets for good, the whole earth seems to be engulfed in heavenly fire and time stands still. Stiles was staring at the shadows on the floor, and Lydia was staring at the trees outside the window. The whole living room was bathed in a magnificent orange glow. The shadows danced off the walls, and the breeze rustling the trees made everything more beautiful. Everything seemed so pure and fresh in that moment, and Stiles took a deep breath in, trying to soak in as much love as possible. The promise of an ending winter and forthcoming spring made everything the more worthwhile. There was this sweet spot in between the seasons that Stiles always loved. Right at the tail end of winter, and just before the first taste of spring. Where there's still a chill in the air, a faint reminder of the crisp autumn winds that once were, followed by clear skies and warm afternoons that make you want to lay in the sun for hours. Lydia lay perfectly underneath the heavenly glow that Stiles could've sworn she had wings. She looked like everything he loved about the seasons wrapped up into one. The chilly mornings followed by warm and promising afternoons, the sun that you could love forever, and best of all, the golden sunlight that's kind enough to grace the earth for only a few minutes. Lydia was the sun, and she didn't even know it.

“I love this time of day,” Lydia said softly while continuing to stare outside the window at the fading light and rustling trees.

“Me too,” Stiles agreed while continuing to stare at Lydia and how the light seemed to shimmer perfectly on her skin.

It was different without Scott, not weird, just....different. There was a different energy when Scott wasn't with them, Stiles just couldn't put his finger on what it was. Scott just made everything, lighter. It was one of the things he did naturally, just simply brighten up a room. Not that without Scott everything was dark and gloomy, just perhaps more quiet. He always made things better, like that one time when Allison decided to join them (the one time they decided to try red dragon) and got too scared and ended up crying over nothing and Scott comforted her until she calmed down and passed out on the kitchen floor (that was the last time Allison smoked with them).

Stiles has so many memories with Lydia's kitchen floor, weirdly enough. Waking up on the cold tiles with his head in a fog and his shirt missing (he took it off because he was gonna wrestle the couch), sitting cross legged on it with Kira and Scott playing Go Fish while Lydia made them all mac and cheese, and the way his socks would always slide on top of the tiles every time he would go in the to get ice. Every bit of Lydia’s house had so many memories etched into it, now that Stiles really thought of it. It was kind of like his other home, of sorts. His safe haven. The one place he could always feel safe in and where nothing ever goes wrong. It was always so welcoming, and he didn't know if it was because he spent all his time there or because Lydia was always there. Stiles always felt more at home and safe with Lydia. She always reminded him of his grandparents house, and the way it smelled like warmth and happiness, and how it always made him sleepy. Lydia felt like his home.

“What are you thinking about,” Lydia asked, breaking the silence.

“Your kitchen floor,” Stiles replied with a grin.

Lydia giggled, “You're weird, Stilinski.”

________________________

The next day at school was easier, to Stiles’ surprise. Maybe spending some time with Lydia wasn't such a bad thing, maybe it was slowly helping him get over his insane crusade to make her fall in love with him. Now when he saw her, he felt about it the same way he did last month before he realized he was still insanely in love with her. 

Scott kept giving him concerned and questioning looks throughout the day, which could have been in response to Stiles’ phone call to him the previous night. After the sun went down, him and Lydia watched a couple episodes of Park and Rec before Stiles felt sober enough to drive home.

(“You know you're always welcome to spend the night,” Lydia suggested.

“Nah it's fine, my mom would kill me if I didn't come home on a school night,” Stiles responded, with something about the idea of spending a night in Lydia's house, this time with just him and Lydia, that made his heart race and his palms sweaty.

“Ok, well drive safe, see you tomorrow. And don't forget your adderall!” She said with hints of sarcasm right as Stiles walked out the door.)

The second Stiles got home he rushed to his room and immediately called Scott crying “Dude Lydia's the sun and she's beautiful and I wanna be where she is forever” and other embarrassing cheesy stuff like that. In his defense, he may have still been a bit high. 

But that still didn't stop Scott from cornering him at lunch by his locker. Stiles was totally in the zone reorganizing his books in class order when Scott just materialized out of nowhere scaring the shit out of him.

“Dude, do you like Lydia again?” He blurted out like it was nothing.

Stiles jumped twenty feet in the air, knocking over everything in his locker, “Jesus man where the hell did you come from.”

Scott rolled his eyes, “Do you like Lydia again, yes or no?”

“What? No, come on Scotty you know I'm over her I mean why would…….I'm over…..she's not even…..I don't even….how do I know you're not into her and you're trying to throw me off your trail huh” Stiles weakly responded.

Scott gave him the “dad” eyes that made him feel like he did something wrong and had to apologize and said his name in that way that makes him nervous. Stiles always hated when he did that, even weirder that Scott did on such a normal basis too.

“Stiles..” Scott enticed like an impatient father.

“Come on don't use that voice it makes me confess things” Stiles anxiously pleaded.

Scott continued to stare down a growingly anxious Stiles, until finally 

“JESUS FINE I LIKE LYDIA AGAIN” He shouted to the empty hallways, shoving his head into his locker, feeling extremely defeated.

“OOOOOOHHHHHHHH DUUUUUDDDDEE” Scott exclaimed like an excited puppy.

Stiles lifted his head, “CHRIST OK you don't need to rub it in yes I am incredibly weak and couldn't keep neutral feelings for a girl who has no interest in me thank you,” he said as he slammed his locker shut and slumped against the wall. 

Scott, still obviously trying to hide his excitement, attempted to comfort his best friend, “Listen, you're not alone in this ok, you got me and I'm here to help you in any way possible. If that's either keeping the two of you as far apart as possible or giving you that extra push, I’m game.”

“Thanks, Scotty,” Stiles said sincerely with a small smile.

“Even if that means I have to send you two on a solo road trip to Indianapolis,” Scott joked.

Stiles groaned and rolled his eyes, “Seriously dude?!? We can't be serious and heartfelt for two seconds before you have to throw in a Parks and Rec joke!”

“I was being heartfelt and serious! Ben and Leslie are like relationship goals I just want you and Lydia to end up happy like them!” Scott laughed while Stiles whacked him in the arm as they approached their friends lunch table in the extremely noisy cafeteria.

“What are you two idiots laughing about?” Allison questioned while munching on a bag of Lays. 

“Oh nothing just Parks and Rec, ya know the usual,” Scott replied swooping in and stealing one of her chips.

“Hey! Get your own,” she scowled at him as he grinned at her popping a chip in his mouth, and she couldn't help but smile.

“Oh my God speaking of Parks and Rec, did you guys see that episode where they locked Leslie and Ron together in….” Kira continued with wide eyes as Stiles sat down across from her. 

He could have sworn he saw Lydia staring at him out of the corner of his eye, but when he turned to look at her she was staring and laughing at the spectacle that was Allison pelting Scott with grapes. And Stiles couldn't help but laugh too.

_____________________

“C’mon Stiles you have to come!” Scott pleaded for the millionth time.

“For the last time no! I am not going to some stupid party with a bunch of stupid people talking about stupid stuff listening to stupid music with their stupid beers it sounds stupid,” he exclaimed as he further pressed the pillow into his face, hoping to suffocate himself so he wouldn't have to go to this stupid party.

“But it's Danny's annual mid year party! And we're seniors which mean it's our last one ever so we have to go! Come one pleeeeeeaaaasssseeeee,” Scott whined once more.

“You do realize we were never invited freshmen of sophomore year and were only invited junior year because YOU became Mr Captain of the lacrosse team and we actually somehow miraculously became friends with the popular kids,” Stiles groaned from underneath the safety of the pillow.

“Hey, don't act like that was a bad thing. You just don't wanna go because you know Lydia's gonna be there dancing up on some sweaty junior,” Scott teased.

Stiles sat up, “That's not fair don't bring my unfortunate love affair into this,” he insisted, “even though you're right,” he mumbled for laying back down.

“Ok look, if you come with me I'll find someone who can take your mind off Lydia,” Scott suggested.

“Hmmm lemme think about it….no,” Stiles stated before rolling on his side, “There's just the comfort of my bed that I could never possibly find in a woman.”

“There's gonna be free weed there,” Scott said.

Stiles shot up, “Did you say free weed? Yeah ok i'm coming give me 15 minutes to get ready.”

“Sounds good,” Scott grinned, as he knew nothing would get his best friend out of bed like the promise of free drugs.

_______________

“Ew these got a lot grosser than I last remember,” Scott observed.

The front lawn of Danny's house was covered in toilet paper and empty red solo cups with the occasional unidentifiable splotch of orange goop in the grass, which Stiles honestly did not want to know about. Scott rang the doorbell (which honestly seemed unnecessary) and was surprisingly answered almost instantly by an extremely intoxicated Danny. 

“Scott! Steve! So glad you could make it come on in!” Danny exclaimed with flailing arms and a beer bottle tightly gripped in his hand.

“Stiles, but Steve’s ok too,” Stiles said with twinge of annoyance, but even a sober Danny wouldn't have remembered his name and he honestly could care less.

By the looks of it, the party was already in full motion. People wall to wall, blaring music, blinding lights that would give anyone a seizure, sophomores desperate to prove themselves grinding up against even more desperate seniors, nervous freshman huddled in the corners on their phones, and of course, the people like him who realize that all parties are basically all bullshit and the only reason people go is for the free alcohol and drugs.

Stiles is solely here for the latter.

“Hey I’m gonna go look for Kira, she just texted me that her and Allison are here,” Scott shouted over the blasting music.

“Cool, I’m gonna go look for the weed, see you in a bit?” Stiles shouted back.

“Sounds good!” And the two went their separate ways, Scott weaving his way through dancing bodies and Stiles slowly shuffling his way past everyone who couldn't care less who was bumping into them.

Stiles was familiar with Danny's parties, despite only going once junior year, you can learn a lot in one night. And he knows that the pool house is the top notch place to make out (only if you're the first to call dibs), the upstairs is restricted (aka where everyone goes to do it), the pool table to where the ultimate league of “beer” pong takes place (or where a bunch of drunken idiots throw the pool balls in their cups of vodka and use the cues as swords against each other), the kitchen is reserved for the senior lacrosse players only (they just steal all the silverware), no one is allowed to set foot in the dining room (one year a girl was swinging on the chandelier which broke and she ended up in the hospital), freshman all have to leave by 11 (by that time half of them already called their parents to pick them up), and the backyard is STRICTLY OFF LIMITS (it's where all the calm and somewhat sober seniors hang out).

He made a beeline for the weed table (technically the drugs table, but he didn't care about anything else) which sat adjacent to the orange coolers filled with various mixed alcohols that everyone was flocking to. It was like his own personal heaven, rows and rows of edibles and pre rolled blunts and joints sitting in bowls like bouquets among other heavenly intoxicants. Stiles almost started tearing up at the beautiful sight.

“My children,” He whispered to himself, snagging the goodies up and stuffing them in his pocket for later. 

Usually, Stiles would rather spend his Friday nights curled up in his bed watching the entirety of Star Wars and texting Scott a play by play (because he _still_ hadn't seen it) and sleeping sporadically throughout the evening, but Danny's parties were the only ones that had the amount of weed that would even make Snoop Dogg cry.

Stiles is not a party guy. His social anxiety definitely being a huge factor in his hatred of a dumb get togethers packed wall to wall with drunk high schoolers who pretend that they're happy with their lives. Parties to him are a nightmare, especially the one he went to junior year which was just a bunch of guys drinking beer and a group of girls on their phone and, the dealbreaker for him, ONE blunt that everyone shared. He and Scott hightailed it out of there, both agreeing that if that was what parties were like, they wanted nothing to do with them.

That was, until Scott became popular. He spent the entire summer before junior year training and was actually able to not only make the team, but become co captain. Stiles also made the team, but purely out of pity and the fact that they needed one more person to be able to officially play. He wasn't jealous, but there were times where he wished he could just go back to freshman year when they were both nobodies. Now Scott goes to more parties than even he would like. Stiles sometimes missed the old Scott, the one who would spend weekends with him and when he didn't have abs. But it was still the same, in some ways. They were still best friends, and that's all that mattered to him.

He snagged a bag of gummy worms from the vast collection of edibles, feeling like a kid in a candy store. He had rolled a backup joint before leaving and stuck it behind his ear in case there was a repeat of last year (they ran out of weed in the first thirty minutes). But today God was really looking out for him because he currently had about six joints stuffed in his pocket and a huge bag of gummy worms in the other.

Sure, he was being kind of a dick stealing more than he actually needs, but working at Target can’t exactly pay for the amount of weed he wants, nay, needs (plus his dealer is a total douche who charges him extra whenever he feels like it). He quickly walked away from the table, hesitating only for a minute wondering if he should grab a tab of acid just for fun, but decided against it, as he wasn’t really in the mood to further destroy his brain cells.

He spotted Liam and Mason in the sea of bodies laughing with bits of the lacrosse team and shot them a quick wave. They waved back, and Stiles felt a smile creeping up on his face. Ever since Scott became co captain, the rest of the team only saw Stiles as the annoying guy who wouldn’t stop following around Scott like a lost puppy and couldn’t score a goal to save his life. But last summer, for some insane reason, Scott took it upon himself to mentor Liam, the youngest and newest on the team, after seeing how much “promise” he had (and with the team's current record, they really needed a lot of “promise”). Stiles just sat on the bleachers smoking while watching Scott and Liam score goal after goal in the blazing heat with of course, the occasional snarky sarcastic comment from Stiles. He actually spent the majority of that summer on those bleachers, and slowly started to hate it less the more Liam started to grow on him and the more the weather cooled down. Liam felt like Stiles’ annoying little brother he never had, or wanted for that matter, but he was really the only one that saw Stiles as an actual member of the team and not an unathletic idiot. And he was kind of grateful for that.

He looked around and observed the scene in front of him: drunk girls screaming as “their song” came on, lacrosse players huddled in the kitchen daring one guy to chug a gross concoction of alcohol and various condiments they found in the fridge, couples making out in every corner, some girl crying on the floor, and another girl sprinting to the nearest bathroom to vomit. And in that moment, Stiles wanted to be anywhere but there.

The stereos were blasting some kind of EDM garbage and he didn’t know about 90% of the people there. He quickly located the sliding door that led to the backyard, and shuffled his way past multitudes of drunken teenagers grinding up against each other until he could see his friends all sitting by the pool. As he opened the door he was greeted with the calm and reassuring sounds of his friends all arguing about which Parks and Rec characters they were.

“You are such an April don't even lie to yourself, Kira”

“I AM NOT IM ANN ALL THE WAY I TOOK THE QUIZ ON BUZZFEED IF ANYONE’S AN APRIL IT’S LYDIA”

“She's not wrong” 

Stiles smiled to himself at the sight of all his friends gathered around the pool. Scott and Kira were snuggled up against each other on the outdoor swing while Isaac and Allison were also entangled on a single lounge chair, where Malia sat next to them on her own lounge chair drinking from her red solo cup. Lydia sat by the edge of the pool with her feet casually dipped in the water. Stiles thought she looked like a mermaid, staring at the water with love in her eyes and red hair reflecting the moonlight. She was everything soft and beautiful he wish he could hold onto forever.

The heated debate continued, with everyone yelling at each other every which way. All in good fun, of course.

“I thought we came to the conclusion that Scott is Leslie, Kira is Ann, Allison is April, Lydia is Tom, Isaac is Mark, Stiles is Andy, and I’m Ron. Boom.” Malia stated followed by a swing from her cup.

“What the fuck when did we decide that,” Isaac questioned.

“Oh please you wish you were Ron,” Allison teased.

“Why am I Leslie though I’m obviously Chris,” Scott asked.

“Because you’re like the mom of the group and you love breakfast food,” Kira explained.

“More importantly why am I Mark he’s like, the lamest character,” Isaac accused.

“Because you’re super boring and everyone hates you,” Malia shot back.

“OK WOW” Isaac exclaimed.

Stiles cleared his throat, “Hey guys am I interrupting something?”

“STILES thank God you’re here would you please tell the rest of these uncultured idiots that I am clearly Ron,” Malia said while gesturing to the rest of the gang sprawled across the backyard.

“LIKE HELL YOU ARE Stiles please tell her she's obviously April,” Isaac retorted while looking to Stiles for help to end the insane bickering.

“Yeah no way I’m getting the middle of this one,” Stiles said while throwing his hands up in surrender and making his way to where Lydia was. 

“Ok, the both of you need to calm down or you're both banned from Parks and Rec Saturday's,” Allison threatened while Malia and Isaac’s eyes both widened in horror and instantly shut up. Parks and Rec Saturday's were a holy tradition the gang had, everyone met up at Scott's house at 8 PM in their pajamas with tons of food and they would binge watch whatever season they were all currently on. As of now, they were on season 4 and it was getting pretty intense with Leslie's campaign and her relationship with Ben, so no one wanted to miss Parks and Rec Saturday's. Sure, they could just go on Netflix and watch the entire season by themselves, but it was more fun to watch with everyone else. And everyone agreed.

“Oh speaking of which, am I on pizza duty or chip duty this week?” Kira asked

“You're on pizza, Isaac’s on chip, Scott's on candy, Lydia's on drinks, Malia’s on wings, Stiles’ on edibles, and I’m on blankets” Allison listed off. She was always in charge of the rotation of everyone's individual duties. One time Scott tried to organize it and they ended up with everyone bringing a pizza, except Malia (she brought one box of licorice). 

“Ugh but I haaaaattttteeee being on wings duty. There's so many flavors and everyone always yells at me for getting the spicy kind,” Malia complained while she slumped back and crossed her arms.

“Just get honey barbecue, everyone loves honey barbecue,” Kira suggested. 

“Shut up Kira, you never know the struggles of wing duty,” Malia huffed.

“You're just jealous because I’m actually good at pizza duty,” Kira teased, and giggled as Malia stuck her tongue out at her in retaliation.

Stiles joined Lydia by the edge of the pool while the Parks and Rec related arguments slowly faded away in the background. He found that happening a lot when he was with Lydia. Things just seemed to fade away. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to hear a rocket ship blasting off if Lydia was with him. She always made things easier, calmer. Better.

“Hey, Ariel,” Stiles teased while crossing his legs next to Lydia. He loved calling her that. He remembered in fourth grade when she went around telling everyone to only call her Ariel. She had never been more happy about having red hair. That was when Stiles knew he was in love with her. 

Lydia laughed softly, “Hey Scuttle.”

Stiles smiled at the nickname. They always called each other Little Mermaid related names ever since junior year. Freshman Stiles would laugh at the idea of him and Lydia Martin ever talking, let alone have nicknames for each other. Stiles remembered when Lydia was harsh and cruel with death glares and looming icy presence, and when she used to pretend she was happy with her social status. But she got a lot softer as time went on, her grandmother dying halfway through sophomore year was when she changed. It was a strange transition, watching her go from bitchy and bitter to quiet and mellow. He remembered watching her stare at the floor during class, and it broke his heart, as in that moment all he wanted to do was comfort her. The two became friends under odd circumstances, when Allison and Scott started dating they were kinda pushed together. It slowly went from awkward and tense interactions to comfortable and laughter-filled conversations. 

Surprisingly, they continued to be friends even after Scott and Allison broke up. Stiles expected Lydia to get bored with him and move on to someone else, but for some reason, she stayed. He knew he was in it for the long run when they watched The Little Mermaid together for the first time. That movie was sacred to Lydia, it was like a piece of her she never shared with anyone. She held it extremely close to her heart, especially since it was her and her grandma's movie they always watched together. Lydia put it on one night when her and Stiles were high off of edibles and they couldn’t decide what to watch. Stiles remembered how she turned into a little girl again, singing along to all the songs and quoting every scene. She told him halfway through how Scuttle reminded her of him, and how they’re both spastic and loud. It was a small gesture, but it meant the entire world to Stiles.

He knew it would be painful being friends with Lydia, considering the fact that he was incredibly in love with her. But he was willing to put that all to the side if that meant spending time with her. He loved her so much, he was willing to pretend he didn’t just to be close to her. There was a part of him that wished he could just tell her, but there was another part of him that was scared if he did that he would lose her. And losing her was worse than never having her in the first place.

“So I see you’re not joining in on the heated Parks and Rec debate we got going on,” Stiles said as the sounds of Malia and Isaac arguing continued.

“Nah, I know if I get in on this one I won’t be able to drag myself out,” Lydia laughed. 

Stiles watched as Lydia slowly kicked her legs to and fro in the water, with the changing pool lights reflecting on her feet. He watched as it went from red to yellow to blue to pink to green and then faded back to red. 

“Why is it that I always find you by the water?” Stiles asked.

Lydia shrugged, “I always feel at home near it.”

“Maybe you were meant to be a mermaid”

She rested her head on his shoulder. Stiles felt his heart stop, and he focused on the lights. Red, yellow, blue, pink, green, red.

“Yeah, maybe”

Stiles could hear the muffled music coming from the house. It felt like it was a world away. But everything felt like a world away when he was with Lydia. 

“How come you’re not in there drinking away your feelings like the Lydia Martin I know?” Stiles asked.

“I dunno, I’m not really feeling it tonight. I only came because Scott told me you were coming,” Lydia replied.

Stiles froze, “You only came…. because I was coming?”

Lydia lifted her head to look him in the eyes, “Well duh, why would I go to a party if my best friend wasn’t gonna be there?”

They stared into each other's eyes for what felt like hours. He swore he could see the ocean in her eyes, and he wanted to drown in them. It hadn’t even occurred to him that they wordlessly intertwined their hands together, and that she was rubbing circles on his palm.

Stiles heard a shriek as he turned around just in time to see Isaac’s pants dripping in whatever beverage Malia previously had while she sat with crossed arms and a smug look on her face.

“That’s what you get for calling me Jerry”

“WHAT THE SHIT MALIA”  
_________________

The wind rustled the trees in a way that made Stiles feel a little scared and thankful he decided to wear his hoodie tonight. The full moon drenched Scott’s house in a beautiful glow that seemed like a comforting hug from the stars as Stiles made his way to the front door with a Target bag in tow. He decided to stop by the one he works at to grab a couple of things before heading to Scott’s for this weekends installment of Parks and Rec Saturday's. Sure, he was on weed duty and didn't really need to get anything else, but he decided he might as well pick up some extra snacks (especially chips since Isaac only ever buys fucking Doritos). 

He strolled along the pathway leading to the door enjoying the company of the moon, and could start to hear the muffled music and chatter coming from inside. He knew everyone was already there, as Stiles was infamously known to be the late one (next to Isaac, who once showed up 30 minutes late and with no food). He missed his friends, everything was kind of weird ever since his feelings for Lydia resurfaced, and in their friend group if two people were mad at each other, it threw the whole dynamic off. Stiles could remember the one time where Malia punched Isaac in the face and gave him a black eye, suffice to say that that weekends Park and Recs Saturday was super awkward. 

He smiled at the memory of Isaac walking around with a black eye telling everyone he got in a fight and beat the crap out of some other guys instead of admitting that Malia suckerpunched him for insulting her haircut. The two had the weirdest dynamic that Stiles could never understand, one second they were goofing around like an old married couple, and the next they both have each other in a headlock. But they both loved each other, despite all the injuries. 

Stiles opened the door and was immediately hit in the face with warmth, loud laughter, and Rick James blasting from the living room. God bless Scott for turning on the heater, because Northern California in February as not forgiving and Stiles was freezing his ass off. It felt like he was in between two different worlds standing in the door frame, the cold and bitter real world, and the world that existed when he was with his friends. And he wanted to live in that world forever.

The sight he was met with was a beautiful one, all of his friends gathered in the kitchen with Scott dancing like an idiot while Kira filmed him to put on her Snapchat story, Malia and Isaac having a contest to see who could drink the most Fireball in thirty seconds, and Lydia and Allison leaning on the countertop giggling about something on their phones. These were the sights Stiles lived for, the ones where everything is just so pure and innocent and any other previous worries he had just melted away. He was beyond grateful to whatever cosmic force gave him these seven beautiful people.

“WHAT’S UP BITCHES WHO’S READY TO WATCH BEN AND LESLIE MAKE OUT” Stiles screamed at the top of his lungs while shutting the door behind him.

Everyone’s head turned to the sight of Stiles in his plaid pajama pants and lacrosse hoodie, and their faces immediately lit up.

“STTIIIIILLLLLESSS” Everyone exclaimed in perfect unison.

Scott “moonwalked” his way towards Stiles while extending him a cup full of Sprite (Stiles’ favorite).

“Dude that is the worst moonwalk I’ve ever seen, you're literally just shuffling towards me,” Stiles joked.

“Don't care I got a 100 on my Econ test, it’s the freakin’ weekend and I am FEELING IT” Scott exclaimed with another embarrassing dance move.

Stiles laughed while grabbing the cup out of Scott's hand, “But do you always have to play this music? The amount of times I have walked in here to Super Freak blasting is too many to count”

“Hey don't hate Rick James, man! He's a classic!” Scott exclaimed.

Stiles couldn't help but laugh, Scott was such a dork when it came to old music. He could remember last summer Scott would play nothing but Earth Wind and Fire when he was practicing his lacrosse skills. Stiles wanted to stab himself in the head by the second week of playing their greatest hits on repeat, and now Stiles can recite September forwards and backward. Secretly, he loved it though, nothing got him pumped for studying like listening to 80s music. He would rather chop of his left leg than admit that to Scott, though.

Stiles took a sip of his Sprite while he made his way to the kitchen counter and plopped down his bag of goodies, which was then immediately raided by an eager Malia. 

“DAMN STILES, you came in clutch,” She yelled excitedly while examining and pulling out every item in his bag. Stiles made his way towards Allison and Lydia in the kitchen while Malia already started digging into the Reeses’ Minis he bought. 

“Good evening ladies, Allison, love the outfit,” he greeted. Allison was decked out in her unicorn onesie that Lydia got her for Christmas last year (Lydia got everyone onesies that year, actually). While Lydia on the other hand, wore sweatpants and a loose baseball tee. 

_Jesus, how is it possible to look that hot in fucking sweatpants?_ Stiles thought. He had already broken the promise he made before he drove over here to not think about his feelings for Lydia. In hindsight, he knew it was impossible, but he couldn’t bring down the mood of the gang because his stupidass caught feelings. Again.

“Why thank you,” Allison replied in a terrible British accent accompanied by a sloppy curtsy.

Stiles giggled at her dorkiness when he noticed Lydia eying him kind of funny out of the corner of his eye. She kept looking at him and then looking away, fidgeting with her hands. He can tell when Lydia’s nervous, and it scared him, honestly. He hates it when Lydia gets nervous or scared or sad. It breaks his heart. Like last year when she was applying to Yale over the summer and was anxious everyday for a straight month. And then came the crushing heartbreak when she realized she didn't get in. She cried on his shoulder for weeks after that, and it was agony. Stiles wished he could absorb all her sadness. He’d do it if it meant she’d never have to be sad again. 

“Dude, what’d you get on the Econ test? Shit was impossible I swear,” Allison asked after taking a sip of her Dr Pepper.

“I got a fucking 30! Ms. Richards said specifically that Microeconomics wasn’t gonna be on the test and I look at the first question and see that bullshit and I just knew I was gonna fail, I have no idea how Scott got a 100,” Stiles exclaimed with anger and disbelief. If there was one thing he hated more than Scott's music taste it was fucking Economics class. 

“TELL ME ABOUT IT ever since she posted the grades he has not shut up about it,” Allison said, “You should have been here 30 minutes ago, he was shoving his grade in everyone’s face literally he printed it out and-”

“JESUS WHY CAN’T I TURN THE VOLUME UP,” Scott suddenly screamed from the living room, interrupting Allison. 

“Speak of the devil, if you’ll excuse me,” She said while making her way over to a frustrated Scott, “Scott that’s the DVD remote!”

Stiles laughed at the two arguing in the living room, “Can you believe those two? Man, just like old times,” he said to Lydia.

Lydia chuckled lightly, “Yeah, I kinda miss it”

The silence that followed was ugly. Usually when there's a lull between their conversations it's nice and calming, but this lull was full of tension. It was horrible, Stiles could feel that Lydia wanted to say something and he didn't know if he needed to say something first or if he should just wait for Lydia to say what she needed to say. Was this his fault? Did she know that he has feelings for her again? No, how could she? But she can read him like a book, oh god she knows, holy shit she knows. He can feel himself over thinking and his palms were getting sweaty and jesus christ can she just say something already-

“Hey, um I need to talk to you,” Lydia said quietly, breaking the silent streak

Stiles gulped, and tried his hardest to not seem scared out of his fucking mind, “Ye-yeah sure totally I mean I love hearing you talk to me you know-wait hold on that sounded weird what I mean is-”

“Stiles”

“Yep right, sorry, continue”

Lydia took a deep breath, “So, uh I’ve been thinking a lot lately, about you know, this year and graduation, and how we’re all going to different colleges, you know….”

She sighed and scratched her head, trying to find the right words. Stiles was feeling a little less nervous now, emphasis on a little. The last time he saw Lydia like this was when she was trying to tell Scott that she broke his mom’s vase when her and Allison were messing around one Saturday. Allison, on the other hand, locked herself in the bathroom and was crying uncontrollably. God, he really hoped she didn’t break something again.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Stiles asked with a twinge of worry in his voice as he put his hand on her arm. 

She looked at his hand and looked back up at him, and she had tears in her eyes. Stiles felt his heart sink. Something was wrong. Whatever she had to tell him, it wasn’t gonna be good. He was prepared for her to tell him she was moving halfway across the world, she didn’t wanna be friends with him anymore, she had cancer, holy shit if she had cancer he was gonna lose it. 

“Holy shit are you dying” Stiles whispered with wide eyes and shaky hands. 

“What-no! Stiles, Jesus, I’m not dying” Lydia scoffed with disbelief in her voice. She wiped her eyes and sniffed while Stiles felt his body fall out of pure relief.

“Oh thank God, don’t ever do that to me again I was gonna start crying if you told me you had cancer I mean I can’t watch the girl I love go through cancer I saw The Fault In Our Stars and that does not look like fun,” Stiles laughed and took a sip of his drink. 

Lydia froze as her eyes went wide.

Stiles furrowed his brows in confusion at her demeanor, and then he realized what he said. In a nervous monologue of word vomit, he may have accidentally told Lydia he loved her. Shit like this had happened before, never had he ever fucked up on this level. His eyes widened in horror and he felt his whole body seize up, and he ended spitting his Sprite on his shirt. It felt like his heart was about to fall out of his ass, and he never wished he was dead more. 

“HEY ARE YOU FUCKERS GONNA JOIN US OR WHAT” Malia screamed from the living room, cutting off Stiles’ internal shrieking.

He looked over and saw everyone already situated on the their respective couch spots. Isaac and Allison cuddled on edge, Scott and Kira smushed in corner, and Malia sitting crisscrossed between the two couples with a giant bowl of popcorn in her lap and a blanket wrapped around her entire body. Stiles gulped, realizing his and Lydia’s usual seats are right next to each other. On any other night, the two would shoulder to shoulder sharing candy and occasionally (and mindlessly) intertwining their legs together. But tonight, Stiles would rather listen to Super Freak on a 24 hour loop than sit next to Lydia.

“Yeah, we’re coming Malia no need to yell,” Stiles said hoarsely. 

He hurried to the couch with his Sprite in tote and slammed his body on his seat directly next to Scott.

“Dude, calm down why the rush,” Scott joked.

“I just, uh, am really excited to watch this episode,” Stiles said with a shaky breath. Scott could tell something was wrong and gave him the _are you ok?_ look which Stiles responded to with the _not really, but I’ll be fine_ look. The two could have an entire conversation without using words. 

Lydia slowly made her way over the group of friends, unlike the spastic Stiles. She hesitated when she reached her spot on the couch, locking eyes with Stiles. He noticed she looked….lighter. He didn't know how else to explain it. She looked like an angel. Stiles, on the other hand, had a pained expression on his face and looked like he was about to cry or punch someone in the face. He looked away before he started to do the former. 

Lydia made her way to the open spot next to Malia, to the shock of everyone else.

“What are you doing over here,” Malia questioned while Stiles stared on.

“You’re hogging all the popcorn,” Lydia answered effortlessly hiding the fact she was crying seconds ago. 

“I'll just pass it to you when-” 

“Malia just shut up and scoot over”

Scott looked over to his best friend sitting next to him, who had tears pricking his eyes. Scott wordlessly put his free hand on Stiles’ and gave him a reassuring squeeze to try to assuage his pain. Stiles felt like he was a little kid again whenever Scott did that, it reminded him of whenever he scraped his knee or something, Scott was there squeezing his hand. 

He missed the past; he missed being a kid, he missed when he and Scott were losers, he missed when his dad wasn't at work all the time, and he missed when he wasn't in love with Lydia. Because ever since he was love with Lydia, things just kept going wrong. 

His heart was slowly breaking piece by piece and he could feel every bit of it. And it fucking sucked. He wanted nothing more than to be at home in his bed and cry his eyes out. He hated this. He hated acting like he was cool with everything and he hated how people never noticed when he clearly wasn't okay. He felt the sobbing about to start and he quickly dug his fingernails, or what's left of them, into his palm. Stiles did that whenever he was in situations where he didn't want to cry and so far it's worked, but tonight he was one wrong move from bawling his eyes out.

He knew Lydia didn't love him. He knew it from the way she looked at him. Like he was her best friend, the only person she could trust. And he had to go and fuck it up. He couldn't have just fucking let it go. His feelings had to keep resurfacing and ruining everything. He felt his heart break as he realized he may have just lost one of his best friends for good. He couldn't tell if he wanted to leave or scream or cry or what. He just wanted everything to stop.

He didn't even notice that the episode had been playing for a good 10 minutes.  
________________________

They were well into binge watching the season by now, but Stiles’ mind was fixated on everything wrong in his life and the events that occurred about 30 minutes ago. He would dip in and out of paying attention, so far all he knows is that Tom and Jerry were in charge of redesigning the office, Leslie was holding Ben hostage for a park project, and Andy was going to college. Or something. 

Also Stiles had downed half a bag of edible gummy worms and he felt like he was in another dimension. 

He didn’t know what was going on. He didn’t care. He was really high and really sad. His friends were bantering back and forth, and he wanted to join so desperately, but his body wouldn’t let him. He felt like when those people in near death situations see their own bodies from above. Like his friends were existing on a planet he just couldn’t get to. He’d been feeling like that for a while, like his friends were existing without him. It was sort of his fault since he’s been alienating himself ever since he rediscovered his feeling for Lydia. But he couldn’t help but feel….unwanted. 

There was weird noise coming from the opposite side of the couch, which Stiles finally recognized as Malia and Isaac arguing.

“-I just wanna know why I’m banned from the popcorn,” Isaac asked, frustrated.

“Because I’m still mad that you called me a Jerry last week,” Malia whined.

“This is ridiculous,” Isaac stated while he tried to make a dive for the popcorn bowl that Malia was guarding with her life. He barely made it 2 feet before Malia smacked his hand away.

“Paws off, buttercup”

“Okay, 1) Don't ever call me buttercup again and 2) YOU DON’T OWN THE POPCORN MALIA”

“Oooookay, let’s not go to the yelling place tonight,” Allison stated calmly while rubbing her boyfriend's arm, “Malia share the popcorn with him”

“No! He’s being such a dick and-”

“I’ll buy you a burrito for lunch tomorrow”  
Malia shut up, and silently handed the enormous bowl over to Isaac, who took it triumphantly. Stiles just watched the whole altercation in front of him and sat there. If it were any normal night, he would’ve shared some witty one liner or made fun of Isaac’s hair for the thousandth time. But tonight, he just wanted to go home. 

One problem with that though. He was high as shit and couldn’t form a coherent sentence, let alone drive home. Stiles turned to Scott, whose hand was still on his, who seemed to already know what he was gonna say. 

“I’ll set up your air mattress after everyone goes home,” Scott said without taking his eyes off the screen. 

Stiles had stayed over at Scott’s so many times he has his own air mattress. And pillow. And toothbrush. He wondered how Scott already knew he wanted to sleep over, but he had a feeling that his crying and half empty bag of edibles were a dead giveaway that he wasn’t emotionally or physically stable to drive tonight. 

The last episode they were watching tonight was almost over. Stiles cursed himself for zoning out for 90% of it, because that meant having to go back and rewatch all the episodes they binged before next Saturday. And between school and the homework it provided, Stiles barely had time to breathe. Leslie was talking to Ben in the tiny park they were making, in his defense Stiles wasn’t paying attention the whole episode, so he had no idea what was going on. His heart clenched at the sight of Ben and Leslie, they always reminded him of him and Lydia. Both feeling like there’s something there, but never acting on it in fear of things getting worse. In Ben and Leslie’s case, they would lose their jobs. In Stiles and Lydia’s case, they would lose each other if things didn’t work out. And that was the one thing he couldn’t live without. 

Stiles looked over to Lydia, whose face was lit up by the glowing TV screen, and he could tell she was crying. She was hugging he knees into her chest and had tears streaming down her cheeks. Even in this vulnerable state, she looked like a goddamn angel. He couldn’t stop looking at her, as Leslie’s speech to Ben carried on in the background.

_I miss you like crazy_

She glanced over to him and they instantly locked eyes. He felt his heart stop.

_I think about you all the time_

He was crying now. He didn’t feel the immense pain in his chest anymore that felt like a whole world was colliding with him. It felt like letting go. He had tears pouring out of his eyes, but he never felt lighter.

_I want to be with you_

He loved her. God, he loved her. He was crazy about her. She was like the sun, beautiful in every way and Stiles hated seeing her go. He wanted to be near her, he couldn’t stand this distance they put between each other. It was hell. Stiles felt like he was freezing to death because his sun was leaving him. She started crying more, and they still hadn’t looked away from each other. It felt like they were wrapped up in their own timeline of crying and unexpressed love that he was shocked when he heard Kira’s voice interupt his non verbal conversation with Lydia. 

“Hey, Lydia are you ok?” She asked, worried and laying a hand on Lydia’s arm adjacent to hers.

Lydia still hadn’t broken eye contact with Stiles, and she was crying harder now. Allison paused the episode as the rest of the gang all tore their attention away from the show in concern for the crying Lydia that wouldn’t stop staring at Stiles.

“What’s wrong?” Malia asked with fear in her voice. 

Everyone followed her eyes that led right to Stiles. And suddenly everyone was staring at him crying too.

“....Stiles?” Scott said. The way he said his name made the weight come crashing down to Stiles’ chest. Why was everyone looking at him like that, like he was a helpless baby. He wanted them to stop, he wanted it all to stop. 

Everyone suddenly ripped their attention away from Stiles to focus on Lydia, who was now running up Scott’s stairs with light sobs. 

Stiles knew this was his fault. He did this to her. He said he loved her, and now she was probably crying in Scott’s bathroom. Alone. He hurt her. 

_He_ hurt her. 

He was done. He was done with hurting people and he was done with feeling like a spectator in his own life. The silence was killing him. He knew he had to do something. He caused this, he needs to fix this.  
And without even realizing it, he was running up the stairs after her.

__________

Stiles felt like he was making a mistake. Maybe he should just leave her alone, just go back downstairs on bury his head in the couch and block this night from his memory. Plus, he was high as shit and making it up the stairs was a miricle in itself. 

No, he had to fix this.

He didn’t know where she went, but it wasn’t before long before the sound of quiet sobbing led him to Scott’s bedroom. The door was cracked open slightly, and he could see Lydia sitting on the edge of Scott’s bed with her head in her hands, her shoulders bouncing up and down from her cries.

Stiles felt his knees go weak. This is what he did. Seeing the girl he loves in this much pain made him feel sick. He’d never seen her this upset, yeah she’d cried in front of him before, but not this much. Not to this degree. He imagined this is what she looked like the whole week after her grandma died. Frail, head buried in hands, and in unbearable amounts of pain.

Stiles had to make this right. He was going to stop feeling like this. He was going to stop. 

He burst into the room, startling Lydia, and began his very unrehearsed apology. Very, very unrehearsed. 

“Ok, so I know this is all my fault okay. I know that. And I know I hurt you. I didn’t mean to, really I didn’t that is the last thing I ever wanted to do. But I did, and I’m sorry. I should’ve never told you I loved you and I know I hurt you saying that, but I-I oh good lord this isn’t going how I hoped- okay I-”

“Stiles,” Lydia said hoarsely. She always did that when he started rambling like an idiot. Just….said his name. And he stopped spiraling.

He gulped, worried about what she was going to say next.

“You didn’t hurt me,” She whispered. 

Stiles sighed shakily, “I-I didn’t?”

Lydia shook her head, and looked at him for a second before turning back to focus on the floor. Stiles was kind of embarrassed of how he looked, his hair was a tousled mess, his eyes were all puffy with tears still clinging to his eyelashes, and his nose and cheeks were all red. He looked like he just watched the end of Titanic.

“I was crying…” She trailed off and wiped her eyes with the sleeves of her shirt. Stiles didn’t want her to finish the sentence. He wished she just hated him or blamed him for everything or punched him in the face. Because if he didn’t cause this storm of emotions, then there was no way he would be able to fix it.

“I was crying because,” She started again and paused to shudder, reluctant to continue, her eyes cemented on the ground in front of her. 

Stiles felt like he knew what she was gonna say next. Something awful that would cause the universe to split in two, probably.

“Because I love you too”

 

Well he wasn’t expecting that. 

A loud ringing suddenly filled Stiles’ ears and it felt like God pressed pause on reality. His entire body felt like static and he lost all feeling in his hands. While he was questioning his entire existence, Lydia was staring at him, expecting a response. But there was no way in hell Stiles was going to be able to form a coherent sentence. Not after what just happened.

“And I know it’s stupid and sudden I just realized it after the party for some reason it clicked and I was going to tell you earlier but I was scared and then you said you loved me and it made me feel even worse because we’re seniors and in 4 months we’ll graduate and we won’t see each other anymore and I didn’t wanna ruin our friendship because I was scared of losing you and I was hoping I could just tell you I love you and get it out of the way but then you said it and that’s why I was crying and oh my God please say something,” Lydia stammered. She looked at Stiles’ shellshocked face, needing him to say something.

“Are…….are you sure?” Was the only thing Stiles was able to get out. The girl he loved since the third grade just told him she loved him back, and that was the first thing he said. 

Great.

Lydia stared at him for a few seconds with furrowed brows before bursting out into laughter. She just dropped the biggest bomb on Stiles and thinks his shock is funny. In her defense, Stiles looked like a fucking idiot right now. Eyes wide and with a dopey look on his face. And Lydia’s laugh always makes him feel better. So that’s a plus. 

“Yes, I’m pretty sure,” she giggled. 

Lydia’s suddenly relaxed demeanor made Stiles ease up, and before he knew it he was giggling too. He couldn’t help it, Lydia’s laughter is contagious. The two of them together are recepie for disaster. Here they are, in the most vulnerable and emotional situation of their lives, giggling like idiots. 

“Okay, okay,” Stiles chuckled. He joined a hysteric Lydia on Scott’s bed and softly grabbed her by the shoulders. Her hysteric giggles died down when she looked into Stiles’ eyes. The two locked eyes, and it felt like at the pool all over again. No, it felt deeper than that. It felt like freshman year, when she would give him icy glares, but he caught flashes of light in her eyes that seemed to stick when she looked at him. It felt like sophomore year when she smiled at him for the first time, and it was full of warmth and her eyes were full of something that said “thank you.” It felt like all the times in class when she would look back at his desk to pass him notes making fun of the teacher they both hated, and they would lock eyes and silently giggle to themselves about it. It felt like five minutes ago, when they were both crying because they loved each other and didn’t know how to say it. It felt like the third grade, when he introduced himself to her on the swing set and she looked at him for the first time ever, and he knew he wasn’t ever going to be the same.

It felt like every time he was happy. It felt like days spent at Lydia’s house during sunset. Like stepping into the sun when you’re whole life has been one long winter. Like finally realizing the thing you’ve spent forever looking for is right in front of you. Like home. 

It finally clicked for him. Lydia wasn’t just Stiles’ best friend. She was his sun. And how can someone ever live without the sun. 

He moved his hands to her cheeks, and she melted to his touch. Every other time they locked eyes, they were always interrupted by either their dorky friends or a rude Spanish teacher. But he wasn’t letting her go this time. He couldn’t live another day without the sun. 

And slowly, almost like he’s done it a million times, he pressed his lips to hers. He felt a warmth bloom in his chest like the disgusting weight was never there in the first place. Everything wrong, every doubt he held in his body, was gone the second he kissed her. It was like breathing after being underwater for so long. She kissed him back with the same emotion, it was almost like she was saying “it’s you.” Stiles felt the frostbite in his heart thaw, now that he had the sun. It was Lydia all along. Stiles had been wondering for so long why he felt so unwanted, so distant from his own life. Now it all makes sense. He was missing a piece of his heart. 

They slowly pulled away, eyes still closed, and he felt new. When they both opened their eyes again, this was a whole new look. This time, when they looked in each others’ eyes, there was no unsaid feelings. Instead, there was a look of relief, something that said “finally, I found you, I can breathe again.”

Stiles didn’t know what to do, so he did the only thing he knew would feel right. He wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled his head in her neck. She did the same, and it was like getting to hold a piece of heaven. They’ve hugged before, but this felt like the hug of old lovers who had been lost their entire lives and just found their way back to each other. She smelled like warm vanilla and she felt like if you were able to hold the sunset. He just found his other half, and now he was crying for a whole different reason. Tears rolled down his cheeks onto Lydia’s shoulder, but he didn’t even care. He always knew there was a reason he loved the golden hour, when the sun bathed the Earth in a warm glow. It was Lydia. She was always hidden in it. Know he knows why he loves the sunset so much.

When he was a kid, Stiles dreamed of reaching the sun. Little did he know, one day he would hold it in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> they were watching season 4 ep 8 of parks and rec if you couldn't tell and i was referencing the end scene quotes where Leslie pours her heart to Ben it was so beautiful i just had to include that  
> i was crying when i wrote the kissing scene btw


End file.
